is a single mama in the city, super-savvy editor, writer, video host and shameless shoe whore.
Thanksgiving came early at our house
Thursday, November 27, 2008
I watched Lil E drive off with his dad this morning, the dirty "Lil Turkey" shirt my mom made for him folded up in his overnight bag and the river stone with "I love you, XOXOs, Mommy" written in silver marker in his pocket and with the giant Bozo the Clown punching bag poking up from the back seat, and I felt the familiar tug of sending him off to his other life with his other parent in the suburbs.
It is always hard, especially over long weekends and vacations. I talked in code about this with one of Lil E's teachers the other day. She has a son who spends similar amounts of time with his dad and she told me that, years later, that deep and difficult missing has subsided over those days. I didn't really want to hear that, as real as it was for her to say it aloud. But then, it is the holidays, and even when families are happy and in tact, they are still hard to negotiate. I thought of that as the little tangle of sadness pulled through my insides while I waved and smiled from the porch at Lil E, strapped inside the car.
And now, slowly, it is unraveling. I am lucky. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We baked pies in my mother's kitchen, just as she and I and my Grandma Alice used to do together. We showed Lil E how we roll out the crusts and crimp the edges. We made a few dishes that failed miserably and my mother cooked a turkey that was incredibly delicious. We went around and around the table, sharing all that has unfolded over the year that has made us feel humbled, happy and grateful.
Lil E took his turn first. He shared with my parents and I the same thing I heard his say to the television that morning when some cartoon character on PBS sang a high-pitched song about being thankful.
"I'm grateful for my mommy," he said, holding his antique cranberry glass full of whole milk in the air. "I'm grateful for Mommy...and babies and Ninja Turtles!"
I laughed and I breathed in all the lovely, pure sentiment of that little sentence. If I would have said it, raised my own cranberry goblet full of chardonnay to the center of the table and my family, it would have been far more wordy and far less articulate, "I'm grateful for the people beside me...for the possibilities of the years ahead and for all we have right now."
I like to think we meant the same thing. There were many more rounds and much more to give thanks for: a new home, a new school, new jobs, new friends. And of course, the same old silly things that make us laugh, the same friends who've seen us through so much, the old recipes we still love to cook up and the little things we rely on to get us through all that's always changing.
The food was so good. We got, as my Grandma Alice would say, "a good scald on" the pies and our day was as full as it could be. Just one day earlier, that's all.
Now Lil E is off to a restaurant to share a Thanksgiving celebration of another kind, just as important, just as tender and just as full, I am sure. I am off to rescue the camera that holds most of my Thanksgiving photos, being held hostage until I eat up some turkey leftovers at my parents' house. As the day goes on, I know more and more of what is hard will unravel, so that when I call Lil E tonight to hear about his day and say our nightly prayer into the cell phone, we will be connected still. Through the missing and the negotiations of time and distance and ways of toasting each other, we will still be connected.
Reader Comments (4)
Promise me you'll do something really good for yourself today, just for you. You deserve it.
happy thanksgiving!