Tending to me (hey, it was a holiday)

Memorial Day weekend was a turning point in our house. Lil E was scheduled to have lots of time with his dad and grandparents. I had a big list of things I could do to fill the time and only a few friends around and in town to convince me to scratch all that. It was up to me to choose to have a weekend I needed rather than one I thought I should have.

You know what, though? I came through for myself. Usually, I am pretty good at the talk and then struggle when it comes to forgetting about the dishes and laundry and trips to the fruit market to just enjoy myself and wiggle around in the free time I am given. This time, I did it and good Lord, it felt right.

Instead of making lots of meals and catching up on chores, here's are four things I did to tend to myself this Memorial Day weekend. Nothing fancy, nothing too involved. Just what I needed:

Ohhh, a massage. I called my mom and began
tearing up about some stress or schedule and she did this great,
maternal thing. She told me to hang up immediately and book a massage.
She said not to worry about the time or the cost or who the massage
therapist available was, but to just book the freaking massage. I did
it. And do you know how sometimes the goddesses smile down, even when
you listen to your mother? They did and I got a late afternoon
appointment with a massage therapist who is apparently one of those
goddesses. She honed right in on my painful, knotty parts so all I had
to do was breathe. A little time in the hot tub, eucalyptus steam room
and reading about Katie Holmes in the tea room and I felt so gooby I
could barely drive home.



So I didn't. I went to the bookstore. I wasn't on a mission, I
just wanted to wander. I picked out a few books and magazines and then
just walked slowly through the aisles, taking in the quiet calm of all
those words. I haven't been able to read a book in eight months because
of a decided lack of focus when I am stressed. But I will get back to
that love and seeing all those covers calling to me reminded me all
that diversion and immersion in awaiting me when it is my time.



I bought a leather club chair for the apartment. In part, to
respond to Lil E's distress at our big, empty lack of furniture while
we wait for my grrrl Nikki to pass on some good stuff to us. But also,
for me, so I have another place to rest, a comfy chair to lure me away
from the laptop and a small splurge I would have adamantly resisted in
other parts and relationships of my life. There's just enough room in
it for me, Lil E and his seven babies, four cars and golf pen from the
dollar store to snuggle in together.



I went out to see a band and had more fun getting lost on the way there
than actually seeing the band. I spent an hour in the car with a friend
on a random street in the way-way-'burbs looking for a bar that was
somehow lifted from a small town in Missouri and placed in the
ever-expanding reaches of Chicagoland (yes, over-sprayed hair claws and
over-bent baseball caps included). The band was really good, the beer
was cold and the people watching made for some fun. But none of it
ended up being as entertaining as calling 411 four times for the same
address and hunting for the landmark Denny's in the dark for an hour.
File it all under Having Fun No Matter How Lost You Get On A Night Out.



I stayed out late at that dive bar anyway. Really late. And then
I slept in until noon. NOON! I haven't done that since...well, probably
since the small child was conceived. It didn't necessarily feel good to sleep in that late, it just felt necessary given the hour I finally dozed off.



We watched a movie, made a pizza and sat in silence together in that
chair. When Lil E came home from his time with his dad, he was as
zonked as I was. I put aside my need for our quality time to be QUALITY
TIME! and just settled in with my boy. We barely spoke until it was
time for bedtime stories, so his whispers about how glad he is that I
am his mommy rang out in our apartment. He nestled up against me and
that was more calming than anything else that happened over the
weekend.



I realize now that I need a break some days, occasional weekends. I
need time to myself and I need to breathe. It is hard to release -- the
boy, the work, the to-do lists, the worries, the schedules, the shoulds
-- to make that happen but it is necessary.



I feel better this week because I had that weekend. And I am proud of
myself for practicing what I so easily have preached. Even just this
once.

Comments

[Sarah]

You have absolutely NOOOOOOO idea how jealous I am! Good for you...xo