is a single mama in the city, super-savvy editor, writer, video host and shameless shoe whore.
It's time to unroll the yoga mat again
Monday, August 18, 2008 
I have been staring at my screen for what feels like hours. Of course, it has only been minutes. But still, it has been long enough for the migraine to settle into that center spot between my eyes, a low and dull ache that tells me I need sleep and tea and yoga.
I will be in bed early tonight. I've set my irritating cell phone alarm to ensure it. It's too hot for tea tonight but a bucket of water sounds perfect. But yoga...yoga makes everything better. So whatever happened to yoga?
My studio, a place I felt a sigh of relief to walk into every Saturday morning, closed. My teacher, an amazing and intuitive friend, then moved her practice to the suburbs. And I, moving forward in my divorce, found myself guarding my time preciously every other weekend when the boy is with me and needing to do a million errands or sleep in or talk to adults on the weekends he is away. Driving to the suburbs for yoga felt like a drag, finding a new class felt like something I could do...soon, rolling back over to do a final relaxation in the comfort of my own bed called to me. I listened. It wasn't the best decision.
My muscles are tighter now, my shoulders ride up easier
and I'm having a hard time winding down enough to go to bed at a decent
hour. I'm working on all that, yes, but really, I know my body (and now
my brain) are just craving yoga.
As soon as I realized that -- it's time, it's time -- I also realized
than in a couple of weeks, I will be dropping Lil E off at his new
school much earlier than we are used to getting up and out of the
house. I could hate this as much as I hate the idea of sitting in
Saturday morning traffic to relax only to get back in the car and sit
in Saturday afternoon traffic back to the city. Instead, though, I am
excited about being on a new schedule, happy to have the solidity of a
routine that is the same every day of the work week. When that all
flashed through my head, so did the idea of finally finding a new yoga
class, being ready to get back to one on a regular basis.
It's not something I have to do tomorrow (which is good) but it is
something coming up with some other happy transitions (which is even
better). It may not be the same. My heart will probably be with my true
yoga teacher as she leads a class without me in the suburbs. It may not
be the same style I'm both comfortable with and challenged by, or in a
studio with the same gauzy light and easy hum of the El outside the
loft windows. But it will be good for me. I know this.
I was talking to my mom about the new school when the thought came to
me and I told her about how nice it would be to drop off the boy, take
an hour of yoga and then get home and to work. She winced and was quiet
for a moment.
"But if you didn't, you could get right home and right to work," she said with some concern, "all before 9! That's a big, solid block of work time."
Her concern was well-intentioned. I never seem to have enough time to
get everything done for work that I want to do. I work late at night,
and you can imagine how this contributes to my heightened inability to
relax and sleep deeply. But I also know how yoga fuels me, centers me,
helps me rise up from my mat and feel like my priorities are back in
place. Beginning my days by moving my body and then being still sounds heavenly. Quieting before getting productive feels healthy. Taking time for myself to energize my cells and stretch my muscles and hear the breathe leave and fill my belly is what I know I need.
Even the idea of yoga in the mornings makes me calmer and I
want to realize that more before 9 than the to-do list post-it noted to
my laptop screen that will still be there at 10.
It may mean some evening hours. Or maybe continuing to eat lunch over my keyboard. But it's time. It's time.
New yoga class, I am looking for you. And just so you know, you have a big mat to fill.
Reader Comments (3)
Go for it!
Here's the thing...you'll probably be more productive (more focused, more calm) if you go. Everyone deserves time just for them, especially mamas with a lot on their plates. I say go for it! The work will always be there...