This is not a shoe blog: Hooker shoes with bottle openers in the heels?! GENIUS!

I think it's time for a little shoe relief up in here.

In all of the division of property, there has never been a single mention of my shoes. Can you believe it?! What in the world is the Almost-Ex doing with all that empty closet floor real estate?

Oh yeah. I almost forgot he rivaled me in shoes. Of course, mine are mostly too-high, too-pointy phenomenal whore shoes that look great all day and feel great for ten minutes, and his are stinky, disgusting athlete's foot-ridden cross-trainers, but still. I'm sure sometimes he glances down at the closet floor and a little tear spontaneously, gently rolls down his cheek and falls with the slightest sound upon his Dr. Scholl's inserts and he feels sentimental, nostalgic, wanting of all those rows and rows of fabulously grrrly footwear.

Life goes on, I guess. Shoes keep on walking.

Since I've had enough of the divorce downer stuff for a bit, I thought I'd shift gears and share some shoes. Who isn't made happier by looking at shoes? Especially these shoes:

They come with a bottle opener built into the heels! Who knew?!

So practical! So perfect for a picnic!

I bet you can get these lucite lovelies on an end-of-season sale now and be prepared for all of next summer's special outdoor occasions.

Fun for the whole family!

Plus, think of how giggly good it will feel to see a purchase from "bootycocktails.com" come up on your credit card bill.

See? Now don't we all feel better?

Comments

[Beth B.]

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