Confidential to those of you who asked

I'm sorry, I cannot explain the significance nor the raunch of pearl necklaces to you. I just cannot do it.

Don't take it to be squeamishness. Oh no. I was just fine explaining in age-appropriate language that my son's boy parts are not, in fact, "round bones."

I'm good being the person who will go into further detail as time and curiosity and questions roll on about sex and bodies and, God help us, what kind of corsage to pick for the prom date.  I might pause momentarily just to gather my breath and thoughts and giggles into composure, but I'm good laying it out there.

But, friends, I just can't do you this one. You're going to have to look it up on Wikipedia yourself. And when you do, you will see why I can't even link to the entry here. But if you do look it up (on. your. own.), you will be sure to read the alternative phrasings. Then you will also see why, when I called my friend Lulu to read it aloud to her, she had to pull her car over because the two of us were so doubled over in laughter.

If that's not enough of for you, do look it up on Urban Dictionary. Again, on. your. own.

It's not that I'm in any way opposed to raunch (I love raunch), it's just that I'm too busy looking up what round bones actually do to explain that to those of you brave enough to ask.

And by too busy, I mean...no. No no no, kittens, I just cannot do it. Really, you all are lovely and dear and I hope you will just skip the whole Wikipedia horror and stay sweet forever. Really. Do that. Forget you ever heard or read about pearl necklaces.

And if you've already been tainted, please just flood your brain with visions of Jackie O. Really. Do that. Anyway, the legend of Jackie O. is far more believable than Wikipedia or even silly courtroom superstitions.

Comments

[foodmomiac]

Oh, I so knew what you meant. I'm dirty.