The divorce is done, my friends. It's time to talk about dating.

I am thinking thinking thinking about how and if to talk about dating on this little blog of mine. I sometimes startle myself by how how comfortable I am spilling personal details of my own life, and still, I am very protective about what I will give up about the other people in my life. Believe me, the stories are good. But I don't want to hurt feelings or sacrifice important relationships over one silly post (a book deal, though?...whole different story). In fact, a newspaper reporter told me a few weeks ago that she read my entire blog (good Lord, I wonder how many naps she took in the process) and still had no clue why and how my marriage ended. All I could respond to her observation was "yes."

I didn't want this blog to give any more energy than necessary to the other people person who I was divorcing. I wanted to focus on how I was doing, how my son and I were getting through, and now, on the family we are. So no, there aren't those details of exactly what went down. And I am good with that. As I turn my attention away from attorneys and parenting agreements, it's time to put that same kind of thoughtfulness into how I do or do not cover dating. I'm just not sure about that yet. There are pros and cons on each side, including the pro of the crazy, crazy stories that emerge out of this old/new world of meeting up with single men and the con of putting those wackadoodles on the same screen as I write about my son. It may take a bit of stumbling and restarting and saying "to hell with it" and hitting the publish button to figure out.

In the meantime, I've spilled -- just enough -- to the Red Eye, a local paper that ran this story today on single parents and dating. I'm thrilled to be quoted alongside my grrrls Ms. Single Mama and Rachel Sarah of Single Mom Seeking. After you read the full story, check out the nice little sidebar on single parent social networking here. If your local, pick up a copy or twelve!

Do also check out the right-on commentary by Amy Sue Nathan, a fellow single mama, Chicagoan and great support here on Sassafrass.

What are your thoughts, gentle readers? How open should a newly single mama be about dating on her blog?

Comments

[2Jmama]

As much as I squeal with delight at the thought of reading the details, my heart says trust your gut. And call a girl with the good details ;) As with everything else you've conquered in the last year you will handle this with grace, dignity and the ability to see humor!

[Amy Sue Nathan]

I'm a staunch believer in it's nobody's beeswax. I have had no problem (on my old blog) writing little stories about being excited about a date, or a dating disaster (oh my, and there were disasters) but in the trenches of it all, I never divulged. It's up to you - but flip it. Would you want a guy you liked to blog about you?

Reading this post made me think about those posts back on that blog. HA. I should repost - maybe you won't make some of the same mistakes I did!

((HUGS))

[single mom seeking]

Thanks for the linkie love... I'm linking back now!

If my blog hasn't provided enough answers to that question... then a phone call should be in the works be: you and me!

Seriously, I've done just a tad of dating over the past two years -- but the guys I clicked with said they were impressed by The Blog.

You -- like Amy Sue and me -- put our whole spankin' names out there. But I'm a sucker for honesty.

[MindyMom]

I agree with SMS. I too put my name full name "out there" in the sense that anyone who already knows my full name can find my blog.

I write about a lot of personal stuff and past relationships but try to keep to current ones close to my chest. Sometimes I write about what's going on in more generalized terms so I can still express myself without crossing a line for another's privacy.

Hope that helps but I'm sure you will find your own comfort level.

[Melissa]

I think you have a good sense of propriety balanced with the perfect dose of comedic timing. Go with your gut.

[Mat]

I like gossip and would like to hear all about everything... but I think you were smart to keep the details of your divorce to yourself and it makes sense to keep it quiet on dating too. If for no other reason than you have to assume that everything you post here your son will get to read someday. That and the bit about "would you want some guy you like (or not like) blogging about you?" Plus if you spill too much about a date you're going to scare off future dates... the pressure of being on a first date with a woman that might later blog about would be enough to probably make me want to skip it. Then again, I probably would just be scared off by your shoe addiction so what do I know? ;)

[Delaine Moore]

I feel your reservations and concerns about blogging about your dating life post-divorce. As a mother of three young children, I face off with the same concerns: What IF people judge me harshly for it? What IF it destroys my respected reputation? And what man will possibly want to date me if he knows he might turn up on my blog?

Nonetheless, I'm choosing to be open about it on my blog, www.iamdivorcednotdead.com. I think it's important for women to know that just because they're divorced or a mom that they can still be passionate, beautiful, desirable women who sometimes 'make mistakes' too. We shouldn't have to be an escort or prostitute to have permission to talk about dating and sex post-divorce in our culture; we ALL have it. The question is, when will we own it AND our bodies?

I look at it this way - it hurt like HELL going through my divorce and getting to where I am. I didn't come this far only to shove my Authentic Self back into a bottle of self- and social-repression. I WANT this next chapter of my life to be MORE - I want to be more of DELAINE. And my body AND my fiery, sexual Self are vital aspects of me driving my life forward...why should I, or you, apologize for it?

Thanks for this post and I'll be back to see where you're at!

[PunditMom]

I wish I could say something other than good luck. I remember it took me a long time after my divorce to get back out there, even though divorce from husband number 1 was the right thing to do -- he was a tad violent.

But then, many years later, I met Mr. PunditMom. He is the perfect guy for me ... I hope you will find you own Mr. PunditMom!

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