You don't have to offer me this twice

I am a cheap whore who will happily accept large boxes of ranch-flavored almonds and grilling implements even though I fucking hate ranch and have zero motivation to scrub caked on salmon from a grill, like ever. I also enjoy getting advance copies of books I will never read and carefully placing Kotex-branded thumb drives to my collection upon the tiny, spindled shelf that hangs over my plastic-covered davenport in my living room. I accept this all as a symptom of my participation in the pimp game of the interwebs and also as a future participant on one of those twelve terrifying "Hoarders" shows. The nice psychotherapist/organizer lady will help me haul off garbage bags of emptied bubble-lined manila envelopes to a sumpster already overflowing with never-been-looked-at-but-completely-adorable Moo Cards just after the time when (and here's the part that is scarily true) my mother swears all of the internet will come crashing down and we will return to some kind of Amish candlelight existence when remote controls were attached by cords and Tab can pop tops would maim a kid's foot and life was good and simple.

But it's not that time (yet...MOTHER), so alas, I will gather up all that I can. Including compliments. And awards. Yes, even fake awards. Like this one offered up by Backpacking Dad to pay homage to the very sexiest of mom bloggers. I mean, WE sexiest mom bloggers. Hell, the UPS guy's not telling me how hot I am (anymore) and all those super-sweet "Mommy, you're pretty"s are chipped away by the "Mommy, are those wrinkles starting on your forehead"s. So, hi-larious dad blogger, I am so snatching this muthah up.

I barely squeaked in at 22, but thankfully, I did make it. I'm just humbled to be in such amazing company, particularly considering all the ranch dust in my teeth these days. I'd like to thank God, my fans and all those people in the balcony..

Yes, I will be adding this badge just to the right of this post. Right therrrrre, under the ad link to the people trying to convince you to get a chin lift and some badge for a conference I went to in the mid-80s. Place of honor. Just like I...I mean, WE...deserve.

Comments

[kim/momimpact]

Ha, I put this up on my blog, too. Only my boys (10 and 13) decided to check out my blog the day it was posted and were all, "Um, Mom, is that supposed to be on your blog?"

[amy sue nathan]

I guess mine got lost in the spam folder. :-D