He put together this get-up himself

I didn't even have to encourage him.

I swear.

No, really. I promise. I didn't ask him, "Whatever happened to those hifreakinglarious 3D glasses we...OK, I....cried behind during the Bieber movie?"

I did not pretend to read that t-ball medals from 2010 are, according to Vogue, totally what's hot for accessorizing in the first grade.

No noogying of the hair and shimmying on of the baseball cap in a sideways fashion just to be crazy.

I didn't force those mesh athletic shorts that are already rolled over once at the waist and still hang down entirely too low upon his narrow-bodied self. Didn't buy or decide it was the right time for the  too-big "blegggghhhh" monster t-shirt.

Honestly, I played no part in this.

It was all him. Completely, totally his very own outfit.

What does my hands-off approach to this picture prove? Only that strategically devised goofy get-ups really are genetic. And despite a moment in 1997 that some may argue very well could have been a sign of divorce to come, during which his father wore aquarium print jams out in public, I am quite sure this whole ensemble only shows he really truly is mine.

So keep your swab tests and Maury reveals. I've got this one.