We are here now

There are many wide spaces to fill in with words and pictures about our move, about the holidays, about what we've uncovered in packing and unpacking. But for now, with the held breath of anticipation on this, my most favorite day of the year, I want to share something I wrote for my church. My church collects stories of Christmas, of hope, of heartbreak, of joyful singing in the city and of stillness and emails them out as advent devotionals. There have been many that made me pause in the midst of typing an status update or clearing out email in my inbox or opening mail or texting, if only just to think what this time of year means for someone else. Here is the piece I wrote this year, with many blessings ot you, wherever you find yourself tonight.

My desk is surrounded by boxes, some opened and half-emptied, some still sealed shut. My son’s room is stacked high with boxes. And the parentheses to the door to my new closet are more boxes. 

We moved last weekend from the apartment where my son and I celebrated five Christmases, five birthdays, five Halloweens, five New Year’s and many more small and significant moments of joy, dance breaks and just making it through after long nights, illness, heartbreak, fear, uncertainty and other challenges all parents know well. After a crew of five movers hauled out all of our stuff, packed tightly into more than a hundred boxes, and after the cleaning ladies swept out the dust and lost Legos and Post-It notes that were left behind, we sat together on the floor of the old apartment. There, we shared memories that echoed off the walls that no longer hold our family portraits, counters no longer cluttered with school reminders and sticky notes I did see, a living room where a couch cluttered with stuffed animals no longer sat. 

Then, we went into our rooms and left our mark. With pencil, and lightly, but enough for us to bring closure to years in the home my little boy and I built inside that apartment. “E was here,” he wrote, and it made me laugh. 

“Be brave! Be rebellious!” he encouraged me, handing me the pencil, “Go write on your walls!”

And so I did, adding my initials, curly-Q’ed to the corner. We stepped in each room one more time, surveyed all that was there and all that was now cleared out, turned off the lights and said goodbye.

In the car, we drove to the new place, which E hadn’t yet seen filled with all our stuff. He was excited to see my boyfriend, who had made this new apartment his home with us. He was antsy to see his room, painted a dark ocean blue that would not show pencil proof that he this is where he is. 

“We’re ready for our new home,” I said, glancing at him fidgeting in the back seat.

“We are really ready,” he said back, all dimples and wide, assuring eyes.

This Christmas will be in a new place, with someone new - a Buddhist who has only celebrated with us one other year - and may very well entail a flurry of unpacking to make room for the tree, or at least include boxes as decoration. But it will still be us, my boy and me, counting this day, holding all its magic and calm and frenzy. And it will continue to pull me closer to my faith, one that began with an unmarried mother clinging to her son in a place that felt far from home. 

We are here. Christmas is coming. And we are here now. 

Comments

[Carol]

Congratulations on everything. On the new move, the new beginning, the courage, the excitement, the closure, the opening...for everything. As someone who once new nothing more than a life with her little boy, I understand how exciting moving forward with a plus +1 to your fabulous 2 can be. It's been 11 years for me, and the bond between my not so little boy and I is stronger than ever, an every lasting tie made stronger from those years of just us, but it's definitely sweet to have the very many other people around that resulted in both our courage to welcome another in. Merry Christmas and happy forever.

[raju]

well, this was a kind of new info for me. Thanks for sharing

[BT Com Password]

Merry Christmas and happy new year and your journey would be happy. Thanks and keep sharing post like this.....

[jems]

You can send new year messages to your friends & family.
New year messages 2016

[Judi bola]

I am really thankful to the holder of this website who has shared this wonderful piece of writing at here.