Jessica Ashley facebook twitter babble voices pinterest is a single mama in the city, super-savvy editor, writer, video host and shameless shoe whore.
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Entries in Sassafrass Says So (21)

Friday
May242013

4 words that will change your family

4 Words final CollageMy boy has been going through some stuff -- having nights when sleep doesn't come easily and then stressing about the sleep not coming easily and then getting all brain-spinny about anything sleep-preventative in the room. Every little sound from the big-sound-maker T-Rex neighbors downstairs or the dishwasher or a bird outside can send him, in those long moments, into a spiral of worry and exhausted alertness. 

We are working on it. Slowly. 

One way is with this book, recommended to me by another mom who gets it and several others who know how important sleep, particularly restful sleep, is to kids and parents, particularly single parents who handle the terrors and worries and waking night-hours solo. 

One of the most gripping parts of delving into soothing your thoughts and putting worries away for the night so a kid can sleep is talking openly about feelings -- what makes you feel afraid, what makes you feel excited, what makes you feel worried. We've taken turns discussing daily things that stir up feelings for us and E has asked me to share memories of moments when I couldn't sleep or wanted my mom in the room with me when I was a kid. 

I've always known he was a deep processor, a sage child who could understand relationships and situations without much explanation, even from a very early age. That hasn't stopped me from explaining things to him -- we talked autopsies when he was three, and many big topics from gay marriage to drugs to sex to elections have been covered along the way, too. Still, these newer conversations that use a formula for talking about feelings have broken new ground.

For all my own fretting about his sleep stresses and expert advice and guidance on how to handle it from other parents and natural remedies sprayed on his pillow and possible foods that will help slow his spinning thoughts and fidgety body, I heard him use this formula and got that he can be the guide through this. 

Here are the four words he's been challenged to say, and how one conversation using them shifted a lot for our little family. Including who took the trash out.

 

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Thursday
May232013

Celebrities' favorite children's books: Rediscovering classics with kids

Celeb books 2 CollageAnne Lamott, the honest, hilarious author of many heartbreaking and hopeful non-fiction and fiction books, recently came to my city. She spoke for a while, and I sat, poised with my phone, tapping away notes on all of the funny and wise words she offered up despite a broken microphone and a venue with poor acoustics. She said she’d keep the reading and commentary brief because she had toured the country and interacted with audiences enough to know that people really come to ask questions, that we all are just seeking opportunities to connect.

And the moment when I felt like she was speaking directly to me came when someone asked which authors she loves, what books have meant the most to her.

Lamott’s answer contained a nod to an author friend in the audience. But her real response was focused on the books she read as a child.

“I was a girl who found literal salvation in chapter books,” she explained and I recorded in my notes. “Pippi Longstocking, Beezus and Ramona, Little Women.”

An audible “ahhh” rose up from the audience. We congregants were not all the same age, had driven to this church to hear Anne Lamott from different parts of the city. But if the reaction told anything it was how many of us had also been lost — and perhaps, found — in those same pages.

As parents, we get the joy of rediscovering the books we loved as kids. I am even more thankful to the late, brilliant Beverly Cleary for the Ramona and Henry Huggins and other series she penned now that I’ve re-read them all with my son. And after writing this piece, which compiles teacher choices for the best middle-school reads, I know I have many more new (to me) bindings to crack.

For some reading — and re-reading — inspiration, here, some of our favorite public figures share their favorite childhood books, too.

See the full list, up now on Babble.com, by clicking here. 

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Saturday
Apr202013

Maybe it's OK for married moms to feel like single parents

 

Michelle o
credit: PacificCoastNews.com

 

I used to cringe when I’d read a status update or hear a married friend exclaim that she’d be a single mom for the weekend while her husband was out of town.

I’d feel frustrated at the blanket statement when (the assumption is) that the husband-father will return home with hugs and kisses and five minutes to take out the garbage and help with homework, no matter how weary or tired-eyed or crabby or wishing he was still in an office conference room or with his guy friends or tending to business in another city. I’d feel defensive about dads I know who complained about handling all the details while their wives were working or traveling or whatever, even knowing all might not be fabulous or secure or peaceful in that family situation.

You don’t get to call yourself a single parent, I’d think, if the other parent comes back and participates. 

But this all changed when the first lady slipped and called herself a single mother during a recent television interview. Here's how my thinking changed and how I am learning it's about hearing each other compassionately, not competitively. Up now on Babble.

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