Party of one

I've been nursing a NaBloPoMo hangover and even after the weekend of blissfully not posting, could not make myself get something going for Monday. I'm better now. Or at least happy to be back here.

After putting myself -- and my wedding rings -- out there, I've been amazed at the comments and support that has flooded my screen. While I am still reaching to twist the phantom bands on my left hand on occasion and still getting used to the nakedness I find there, I am glad that part is done. And what I love is that there has been and continues to be infinitely more support and grace and kindness than I ever imagined, most of it offered up when I take a deep breath and reach out with as much honesty as I can muster.

This helped as I pulled the black satin cocktail dress from my closet at the apartment, shimmied into it with a new pair of high high heels, and made my way alone to a good friend's wedding.

Lil E was a little weepy I was leaving, although fascinated with my
fishnet nylons, but I was happy to get dressed, perfumed and carry only
my own few items in my little beaded purse.

I was very fine going
alone, clapping at the first kiss, laughing with my grrrlfriends from
the tomato bisque to the creme brulee, even dancing with them to some
alterna80s wedding classics. And when it was late enough and time to
go, I was happy to wave off the newlywed's lovely and doe-eyed
foreverness with hope that it is indeed all those things for them.

I was OK,
hanging up the party dress and climbing into bed by myself, thinking
about how my friends took care of me all night by meeting me in the
parking lot so I wouldn't walk in alone and then walking me back out to
my car much later, how they toasted to the promise of open windows
after closed doors and laughed over the bad divorce diet jokes I made.
This isn't the home or way I would have written it, but it is. And that
is OK.



As the posting gets back to its own rhythm and the week rolls out in
front of me, I have a lot of work and business  to handle. That is OK,
too, because a woman -- no matter how Sassafrass she is -- can only do
so much shifting at a time.

Comments

[zoe]

i'm glad that you took that evening out for yourself! i bet you were amazing!

[Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck]

Its great that you went out and let yourself have fun--and in fishnets no less! Good for you!

[amanda]

Time and again I am reminded that movement is the only way to clear the air of anger and hurt, it's not perfect, but it's a start. Can't ask anything more than that. Way to keep moving!

[Sarah]

I'm sooooo glad you wore fishnets!!!! xoxo

[Francisco]

J, it was great that you came out to party-you looked great!