is a single mama in the city, super-savvy editor, writer, video host and shameless shoe whore.
Lil E explains: [Feel free to insert interpretation here]
Monday, November 2, 2009 In the car, driving home in the dark (thanks, Daylight Saving Time), trying desperately to have our routine "5 things about my day" conversation.
Me: Did you take a nap at school today?
E, shaking his head no: My brain and my body just wouldn't let me.
Me: What centers did you play in?
E: I didn't play at all today.
Me: In preschool? Really?
E: OK, I played, but only a little bit.
Me: Maybe you could tell me one thing -- anything -- then.
E: Mommy! Mommy! Mommy, guess what? One time, when I was leaving a Chicago Fire game with Daddy, we were in the parking lot and I saw an old lady...WITH ORANGE EYES! SHE HAD ORANGE EYES.
Me: Yeah, I'm not buying that one bit.
E: Mommy! She did. For real life.
Me: Well, if you say it was for real life, then...
E: I saw her! I did. She had orange eyes! It totally freaked me out.
Me: It did?
E: Yeah, I was totally cheesed out, man!
Me: Cheesed out...man?
E, breaking in to song:
Ollllllllld lady, old lady
She needs to concentrate
reaaaaaaaaaaaal hard
Old ladies have canes
And they concentrate on things
Frankenstein goes with fruit
Because they both begin with F!
And old, creaaaaaaaky lady
What are you talking about?
It. Is. Windy. And. Darrrrrrrrrrrrrk.
There are goopy, green things
That look like boogers.
The Biiiiiiiiiible tells me so!
As awkward as it is, these moments, the ones when the child loses all grip with reality and the English language and launches into some kind of preschoolian babble song, the only option for sanity that remains is to act like a Very Important Mommy Call has come in on the cell phone and proceed with a pretend but far more coherent conversation with with blissfully silent airwaves.
Eventually, the song will give way to uncontrollable giggles. Then, and only then, is it safe to give your attention by scooping up the cute but clearly crazy kid in the car seat.
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