is a single mama in the city, super-savvy editor, writer, video host and shameless shoe whore.
And I went
Sunday, November 7, 2010 The Sharpie-markered runner grrrl that Lil E drew on my arm is fading but the stiff hip flexor, tight quads, and swell of pride are still very present. I did it. I finished the 15K.
It was hard and I took more little walking breaks than I would have allowed myself to had I not still been nauseous and tired from a tough week. I made a promise to myself (and was reminded by a friend on Facebook...thank you, Rich) to be self-aware, to do this event for me, my way. So this time, that meant walking a few minutes when I needed to. But I also ran more than I expected and that felt just as good as listening to my challenged body.
Thank God Danielle was beside me. She cheered me on, distracted me, gave me tips and then just slowed down and sped up as I asked. She was phenomenal. As we ran quietly for a few moments, Danielle's 80s tunes playing in her earbud and my lady-rap blasting in mine, I thought about this post that I wrote this week. It's about how obesity can be "contagious" among friends and I challenged readers to take a very honest inventory of the people they spend time with and whether they are promoters of wellness on many levels. I looked at Danielle, waving her hand in the air and mouthing some lyrics, and I looked out at the lake and the skyline and the people cheering scattered around us and I felt very lucky to have so many friends who encourage me to be healthier, happier, freer, more empowered and to get my ass across the finish line.
[Just before the start. Why, yes, I am wearing my dad's Air Jordan sweatshirt. He gave it to me so I could stay warm in something to toss off to the side. Although discarded clothing is donated to charity, I kind of hating saying goodbye to this awesome dad-relic.]
I thought of my parents with their cowbells and pom pons and yelling and holding up Lil E's signs just to catch a 30-second glimpse of us. I thought of the many comments and emails that reminded me of my strength.
Maybe that's when the emotion of it all set in. Although running with 30,000 other people is certainly distracting to spandex proportions and although we were pretty set on beating a group of middle-aged power-walking ladies dressed like yellow highlighters, it all still got to me. That I was there on that path, that I was running after a year of setbacks, that I was really doing it.
I told myself to just run, just run, just keep running. I released the thoughts from my head with all the meditation skills I could muster. I focused on the path, the man in front of me, the green sign ahead, the beat of the song. But as I worked harder, I sweat more and I reached down to pull up my sleeve and I saw that runner girl on one arm, the words "GO MOMMY GO" peeking out on the other. I thought of Lil E, waiting to run the last few blocks to the finish with me (he thought it was a mile and I let him believe that) in his warm hat and gloves and big orange, down coat.
And that's when I started to hyperventilate. At first, I was just pushing back the tears. Then, I was gasping and wheezing and trying to run anyway. It was not pretty.
[At the finish. Squinty, sweaty, stinky.]
But it didn't matter. I finished hyperventilating, with LIl E between Danielle and me. He told me he was so proud of me, said he loved me many times, squeezed my hand tight as we landed over the line.It overwhelmed me that he shared the moment, but the event was completely, shamelessly all for me.
"I told you to 'GO MOMMY GO!'" he said in the car on the way home. "AND YOU WENT!"
I ran two miles farther than I've ever run. I made it through my first running event. Those tears I hyperventilated away were close to falling for hours and hours. Long after the icing and soaking in a Epsom salt bath and relishing every sip of a beer, my spirit soared.
I am wholly exhausted, even still. But I can't stop thinking...if I ran almost 9-1/2 miles, surely I can run a half-marathon.
Reader Comments (6)
Congrats, Jess. Wish I could have run it with you!