Thoughts for a Saturday morning in October

The changes I am making are good. They are that deep inhale of icy cold air you feel when you step out the front door into snow and ice and sunshine and winter. The changes keep me huddling into myself protectively, moving forward.

But in our home and in our family right now, it is like the radiator heat is cranking on and the windows can't be opened. We are all hot and irritated and fragile and restless. There is turmoil inside of us all.

I heard Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah yesterday say that one of her mantras, given to her by her Texan friend Richard, goes something like, "don't let your wishbone stand where your backbone should be." I let that wrap around me and as I walked Lil E to Wiggleworms music class in the hot and humid and bright sun of yesterday.  I thought of those words and actually stood up taller and straighter. I felt the inhaled breaths flare out into my chest and up my spine and down into my toes. I felt a bit stronger just remembering that my wishes and my perseverance are often very different things.

My brother's words are walking that other mantra and I'm saying it over and over and over to myself: In the end it will all be OK. And if it's not OK, it not the end.

These things are comforting me, covering me, propelling me through the storm of the last two weeks.

I'm working hard here, for my family, for my husband, for myself. The little words -- small thoughts with big meanings that just keep expanding for me day after day -- are keeping me moving. Steps at a time.

I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense, but that's OK. It's time for coffee, lots and lots of coffee, and it is what's rattling around this morning.

Comments

[2Jmama]

Sorry I haven't touched base this week. Know that you are still close to my heart.